Cross Country Running
A peculiar form of torture visited upon little boys by their school masters.
On only the coldest of winter days when show is falling and ice hangeth from stout oaks, little boys are forced to don skimpy shorts and singlets and run around rural areas until their fingers turn blue, drop off and are eaten by wolves.
The masters meanwhile sip tea and whisky from thermos flasks and threaten their charges with six of the best should they not put their all into the torture. Six of the best frequently being preferable to hypothermia young boys learn to look forward to the cane with eager anticipation.
On School Sports Day the route is lined by older boys and prefects who smoke, swear and misdirect the little lads while planning which of them they want to convert.
Like so many other English schoolboy activities cross country running plays havoc with the buttocks