Gentleman's Dictionary and Usage

As performed by Hugh Laurie in 'Jeeves and Wooster' or originally by Jack Hylton and his orchestra

Now there's a good ship,
H.M.S. Cock-Robin.
On her home trip,
Up and down she's bobbin'
So the crew's pretty tough.
The weather's so rough.
They're all fed up and say
That they've had more than enough.

I've got a brother
He's an able seaman
And they call him Redhead Tom

I wire to say I'll meet you
And with your pals I'll treat you
So who do you think I've had a message from?

Forty-seven ginger-headed sailors
Coming home across the briney sea
When the anchor's weighed
And the jouney's made
Then they'll start the party
With a heave-ho, me-hearty

When there's Forty-seven ginger-headed sailors
You can bet you're going to hear them when they hail us
And as they step ashore
There'll be one mighty roar
For forty-seven ginger-headed sailors!

An old maid down in Devon
Said my idea of heaven
Is forty-seven ginger-headed sailors!

Posted by T at 03:43 PM | Permalink

Pioneered by East End tailors the cosh pocket is built into a tailored suit or coat under the arm to enable the wearer to carry a cosh without it being apparent to the rozzers and without ruining the line of his suit.

A gentleman can spot the tell tale bulge at ten paces but does not hold it against the wearer, for fear he might get coshed.

Posted by S at 07:01 PM | Permalink

Ne'er do wells who hang around in gangs and behave unsportingly.

Though their ire is predominantly directed at rivals the repercussions often affect the innocent and as such they are not Gentlemen.

Entirely unfamiliar with either the Queensbury rules or the Code Duello.

Posted by S at 07:01 PM | Permalink

During the nineteen-eighties a trend sprang up which involved the wearing of silly clothes found in grandmother's attics. Eye make-up was worn and strange dances were performed wherever an audience could be found. Skirts were sometimes worn by men.

One of the Chaps fell under this spell, though he definitely did it only to meet attractive girls.

Honestly.

Posted by S at 07:00 PM | Permalink

Used extensively by gangs in war-torn Somalia and particularly the capital Mogadishu.

Mad Max style customised Land Rovers and picks-ups with huge ack-ack guns mounted on the back. Some even featured the missile systems from Soviet MiGs, though if fired these would implode destroying everything in a hundred metre radius including the Technical.

Driven by 'Technical Advisers' who spent their time protecting journalists and charities.

Or killing them, depending on who they were hired by.

Posted by S at 06:59 PM | Permalink

Pimp Roll - Heavy swagger including much swinging of shoulders and indication of having much 'downstairs'.

Ghetto Limp - the affecting of a minor limp to imply either a shooting accident (the other guy came off worse), or the carrying of a heavy weapon in one's trousers.

Tupac Bandanna - Mr Tupa Shakur was a famous rap star who was shot to death and thereafter became something of a martyr to his cause. Around his shaved head he wore a thin bandanna with the ends hanging down over one eye. Though comic to some it was not considered wise to tell him this, or indeed anyone else who wears one.

Posted by S at 06:58 PM | Permalink

Everyone knows that all proper sports were invented in Blighty.

Boxing as we know it was formalised in 1867 by a set of rules devised by Sir John Sholto Douglas Marquis of Queensberry (1844-1900). These rules went on to be applied to gentlemen's fisticuffs conducted outside the ring, for instance you don't biff a chap when he's down. And you don't bite his ear either.

The Queensberry rules can also be applied to general behaviour not involving the exchanging of blows. For example; respect your opponent and once you've won go no further.

Consider the damage that could have been done in and out of the ring without the Marquis's excellent guidelines. Surely the Queensberry rules are a splendid thing and we should give thanks for the old Sir John.

Well we don't because he was a terrible bully and worse, he was the man who brought about the action that destroyed Oscar Wilde.

And we'd take Oscar over a thousand Queensberrys.

Posted by S at 06:57 PM | Permalink

Uncle Pelfrey is an entirely fictitious character who occasionally stalks through T's writing. Created by his younger brother, he is an archetypal kiddie-diddler. By wriggling your fingers a bit like the child catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and repeating the words 'Uncle Pelfrey' in a really creepy high voice you can reduce your siblings to squealing terror.

..."Paging Dr Freud"...

Posted by T at 02:30 PM | Permalink

A form of gay/theatrical backslang traceable to the turn of the century. Made famous by Kenneth Williams and Hugh Paddick in the BBC radio series 'Round the Horne.

Polari has been the subject of much academic wrangling and seems to vary wildly according to the individual using it. There are, however, some words or phrases that seem generally agreed on...

ajax: nearby
basket: the bulge of male genitals through clothes
batts: shoes
bijou: small
bod: body
bold: daring
bona: good
butch: masculine
camp: effeminate
capello: hat
carts/cartso: penis
chicken: young boy
charper: search
cod: naff, vile
cottage: public lavatory
cottaging: having or looking for sex in a cottage
crimper: hairdresser
dish: an attractive male; buttocks
dizzy: scatterbrained
dolly: pretty, nice, pleasant
drag: clothes, esp. women's clothes
eek: face
ends: hair
esong: nose
fantabulosa: wonderful
feele: child
fruit: queen
gelt: money
handbag: money
hoofer: dancer
jarry: food, also mangarie
kaffies: trousers
khazi: toilet
lallies: legs
latty: room, house or flat
lills: hands
lilly: police (Lilly Law)
luppers: fingers
mangarie: food, also jarry
measures: money
meese: plain, ugly
mince: walk (affectedly)
naff: bad, drab
nanti: not, no
national handbag: dole
nishta: nothing, no
oglefakes: glasses
ogles: eyes
oomska: scum, filth
omi: man
omi-polone: effeminate man, or homosexual
onk: nose
orbs: eyes
palare pipe: telephone
palliass: back (as in part of body)
park: give
plate: to fellate
polari: chat, talk
polone: woman
pots: teeth
riah: hair
riah shusher: hairdresser
scarper: to run off
scotch: leg
sharpy: policeman
shush: steal
shush bag: holdall
shyker/shyckle: wig
slap: makeup
strillers: piano
thews: thighs
trade: sex
troll: to walk about (esp. looking for trade)
vada/varda: see/look
willets: breasts

Some users have managed to elevate it to an art form including the British chapter of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence who have managed to translate the entire King James' Bible (so it obviously IS possible to be a gay train spotter).

Posted by T at 03:03 PM | Permalink