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Soho House.
A private members club famous for soggy carpets, something called the 'Brit Pack' and freshly wiped toilet lids.
Of its three locations only one is actually in Soho, but that's probably not unrelated to what precedes the frantic and frequent wiping of the toilet lids.
The Gentlemen have not been asked to become members though they confidently expect to be thrown out one day.
An hilarious joke.
See also:
Question; What's the difference between a piece of bread and Italians?
Answer; You can make soldiers out of a piece of bread.
(International Translation Note: 'Soldiers' when made from bread are thin strips of buttered bread used for dipping into a boiled egg. Thus one's Mum would say 'Do you want a chucky egg and soldiers for your lunch?')
Apparently there is an Italian motor car company in a place called Modena that makes little red cars which go quite fast.
The people who drive them often have dark hair. Some wear sunglasses when the sun isn't out.
Since they are not Astons, Jaguars or Lotuses we need know no more about them.
Galloping over fields, hedges and bracken, or indeed when desiring to appear as if one has, a chap needs to look his best.
Not only that but it's never a bad thing in such circ.'s to be protected from scratchy thorns. Or indeed ladies' nails. Hence the thornproof, where the wool used to make the jacket is of such a tight and heavy construction that the jacket could conceivably be stood in a corner unaided.
That it bears a windowpane check is evidence of its being intended for the countryside where the rules on colour are more relaxed.
And if it wasn't fetching then a chap would hardly wear it would he?
Ordnance Survey is the official mapping agency of Great Britain.
First formed by order of George II in 1746 to help keep the rebellious Scots in order. They have been making the world's finest maps ever since.
They are particularly important during the various Unpleasantnesses that afflict our nation. During the Normandy landings for instance they provided around 120 million maps.
Not only that but they help enormously when a chap gets lost in the grounds of whatever country house he may or may not be visiting.
A glorious country house in Wiltshire now used as a private members club, sister to Soho House in London and New York.
First settled in the 12th Century it enjoys rolling grounds, classic architecture, luxurious period details and cutting edge technology to ensure guests have everything they could dream of.
Babbington House even offers professional hairdryers in guest's rooms.
Oh and a shed load of gakked-up Soho dickheads.
But then you can't have everything can you?
Words of Mass Deception issued by the jackals in charge of the Land of the Misled. Slavishly adhered to by Bush's man in London and disbelieved by anyone with half a brain.
The Chaps can remember when a bag of Salt and Vinegar Golden Wonder crisps used to cost two-and-a-half new pence.
Even at the age of three they didn't choke on them.
This made them over-qualified for politics apparently.
Note: not related to Golden Showers, whatever they are.
Lithe and beautiful nymph of the Tennis Club in Sir John Betjaman's poem.
'A Subaltern's Love Song'
Miss J. Hunter Dunn, Miss J. Hunter Dunn,
Furnish'd and burnish'd by Aldershot sun,
What strenuous singles we played after tea,
We in the tournament - you against me!
Love-thirty, love-forty, oh! weakness of joy,
The speed of a swallow, the grace of a boy,
With carefullest carelessness, gaily you won,
I am weak from your loveliness, Joan Hunter Dunn.
Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
How mad I am, sad I am, glad that you won,
The warm-handled racket is back in its press,
But my shock-headed victor, she loves me no less.
Her father's euonymus shines as we walk,
And swing past the summer-house, buried in talk,
And cool the verandah that welcomes us in
To the six-o'clock news and a lime-juice and gin.
The scent of the conifers, sound of the bath,
The view from my bedroom of moss-dappled path,
As I struggle with double-end evening tie,
For we dance at the Golf Club, my victor and I.
On the floor of her bedroom lie blazer and shorts,
And the cream-coloured walls are be-trophied with sports,
And westering, questioning settles the sun,
On your low-leaded window, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.
The Hillman is waiting, the light's in the hall,
The pictures of Egypt are bright on the wall,
My sweet, I am standing beside the oak stair
And there on the landing's the light on your hair.
By roads "not adopted", by woodlanded ways,
She drove to the club in the late summer haze,
Into nine-o'clock Camberley, heavy with bells
And mushroomy, pine-woody, evergreen smells.
Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
I can hear from the car park the dance has begun,
Oh! Surrey twilight! importunate band!
Oh! strongly adorable tennis-girl's hand!
Around us are Rovers and Austins afar,
Above us the intimate roof of the car,
And here on my right is the girl of my choice,
With the tilt of her nose and the chime of her voice.
And the scent of her wrap, and the words never said,
And the ominous, ominous dancing ahead.
We sat in the car park till twenty to one
And now I'm engaged to Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.
Whitening paste used on cricket pads and gym shoes before they were designed to be discarded and replaced if soiled by actual sport.
Places devoutly to be avoided.
Nothing of any interest happens south of the river Thames or north of London's orbital motorway the M25.
One of the Chaps pays extra when flying across the United States to avoid crossing the Mid West and running the risk of a forced landing followed by being buggered by an itinerant one-eyed buck toothed redneck who'd then marry the Chap to his father and brother simultaneously even though the aforementioned is already married to them. Or something.
Belgians apparently but nonetheless purveyors of popular dance music.
These chaps have managed to combine crusty old school disco tunes with spanking new dance music thus making it possible for old gits like the Chaps to feel young and au courant
A website that offers spurious gossip about minor celebrities and pop stars who no doubt richly deserve it. Un-attributable and unproven the Chaps alas confess to having Ringpiece read it to them on occasion
People who can't read and don't like to know what's going on in the world need to have something in their hands to prevent them from abusing themselves.
Thus we have the Murdoch owned Screws and Currant (currant bun - sun).
Apparently before he got hold of them they were newspapers, but that was before our time so we can't confirm this.
That these rags have been used to wrap up fish suppers is an insult to cod and potatoes and profoundly to be regretted
In spite of the glorious game not being invented and the marauding masses of football hooligans from both sides of the border not yet having had a ruck the Roman Emperor Hadrian (76-138 AD) had the good sense to build a big wall across the entire United Kingdom separating Scotland and England.
It is idle speculation as to whether he was keeping them out or us in.
Abbreviated version of The trouble and strife
Cockney rhyming slang - rhyming with wife
AKA the Old Ball and Chain, the Memsahib, her indoors, the missus, she who must be obeyed &cet.