People who can't read and don't like to know what's going on in the world need to have something in their hands to prevent them from abusing themselves.
Thus we have the Murdoch owned Screws and Currant (currant bun - sun).
Apparently before he got hold of them they were newspapers, but that was before our time so we can't confirm this.
That these rags have been used to wrap up fish suppers is an insult to cod and potatoes and profoundly to be regretted
During the nineteen-eighties a trend sprang up which involved the wearing of silly clothes found in grandmother's attics. Eye make-up was worn and strange dances were performed wherever an audience could be found. Skirts were sometimes worn by men.
One of the Chaps fell under this spell, though he definitely did it only to meet attractive girls.
Honestly.
OED - A condition characterised by a tendency to fall asleep in circumstances conducive to relaxation
The Chaps find this an essential skill during their brief periods of non-leisure, or wo** as it is rather coarsely termed
It can be brought on by even the briefest of exposure to: Tories, Daily Mail readers, Republicans, Golf fans, American television, the casually dressed &cet.
Narcolepsy is to be warmly welcomed as an alternative to any of the above
Deriving from the Yiddish term Nosh, meaning food, the Ur Nosherie is a bagel and salt beef emporium in Hatton Garden.
British television cook. Daughter of the repellent Nigel Lawson - Ex Tory Chancellor of the Exchequer and brother of Dominic Lawson - Editor of the Sunday Telegraph.
She is obviously famous and sucessful entirely because of her innate talent and can, by no means, be considered a product of rank nepotism.
She is married to Sir Charles Saatchi.
Since Lionel Martin's first hill-climber in 1914 only about 9000 Aston Martins have been built
They are made in Newport Pagnell and along with Jaguars, Rolls Royces and Bentleys they are the World's Finest Motor Cars
A company called Ford now owns Aston Martin but unusually they haven't managed to bugger it up yet (See: Coventry's finest)
An Aston-Sport-Utility-Supa-Ultra-Minivan-Martin is expected
James Bond would not be amused
Nor are the Two Chaps
In spite of the above it is still entirely acceptable to drive a new Aston Martin and this does in fact denote a todger of generous proportions
Either a Shakespearean sounding term for a moment or London criminal slang for one who interferes with the underaged.
Examples:
"Hey nonny nonny, Sirrah,
Prithee, hi thee to an apothecary at the nonce".
or
"Ere. Bullet-tooth Tony says Pelfrey is a nonce".
"Right. Let's do the bastard in association".
It doesn't do to confuse these.