Gentleman's Dictionary and Usage

Ordnance Survey is the official mapping agency of Great Britain.

First formed by order of George II in 1746 to help keep the rebellious Scots in order. They have been making the world's finest maps ever since.

They are particularly important during the various Unpleasantnesses that afflict our nation. During the Normandy landings for instance they provided around 120 million maps.

Not only that but they help enormously when a chap gets lost in the grounds of whatever country house he may or may not be visiting.

Posted by S at 05:10 PM | Permalink

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

A distressing ailment that makes people repeat certain actions over and over again. For instance repeatedly washing their hands, even though they are perfectly clean.

Politicians tell lies in much the same way though this isn't strictly speaking OCD.
As with the scorpion that stings the very frog that is saving its life, it is their nature.

Posted by S at 09:01 PM | Permalink

Who better than Sir Kingsley Amis to explain this one

1 huge slug bourbon whiskey (say 4 fl. Oz.)
1 level tea spoon castor sugar
As little hot water as will dissolve sugar completely
3 dashes Angastora bitters
1 hefty squeeze of fresh orange juice
1 teaspoon maraschino-cherry juice
1 slice orange
1 maraschino cherry
3 ice cubes

'Put the dissolved sugar into a glass, add the bitters, the juices and whiskey, and stir furiously. Add the ice cubes and stir again. Lastly push the orange slice down alongside the ice, drop in the cherry, and serve.'

'You may supply drinking-straws if it is that sort of party.'

The Savoy Cocktail Book is more liberal in it's suggestions, but we're with Sir Kingsley on this one.

Posted by S at 08:36 PM | Permalink

Concerning Oedipus. The legendary king who fell in love with his mother, killed his father and gave jobs to numberless psychoanalysts

Posted by T at 08:32 PM | Permalink

Christ alone knows.

I imagine it's something to do with football but, frankly, the details elude me.

I shall procure a schoolgirl and question her on the matter.

ADDENDUM
(Diligent research reveals that Offside is an 'infraction in which an offensive player does not have at least two defensive players between himself and the goal line when the ball is played forward by a member of the attacking team'.

My case comes up next week.

Posted by T at 08:31 PM | Permalink

As a rather perverse form of torture young English children are forced to eat over-cooked Brussels Sprouts from an early age. Naturally they rebel against this injustice and are often to be found sitting at the table 'until you've bloody eaten them'

At school this abuse is continued but it is here that young boys at least learn to fight back. A hearty portion of sprouts for lunch are an excellent aid to fiery flatulence and much sport can be had with this during an otherwise dull Double Maths.

It is wise to avoid naked flames after prodigious consumption of sprouts

Posted by S at 04:06 PM | Permalink

Taken at sixteen, the 'O' levels used to be the first major examinations for British Schoolchildren.

The curriculum, in hindsight, seemed designed entirely to equip young gentlemen to become Colonial administrators or to work in the sort of companies that had 'Imperial' in their names.

The 'O'levels were followed two years later by 'A' levels, three or four specialist subjects that led to university.

All of these exams have now passed into history, replaced by continuously assessed diplomi in Hip-Hop DJing, Car Theft and Random Violence.

NB. Visitors are amused to discover that prostitute's cards in London phone boxes announce the advertiser's 'O' and 'A' Levels. Although I am sure that many of these young ladies have the very highest of academic qualifications, I regret to report that they are, in fact, proferring Oral or Anal services.

Posted by T at 10:57 PM | Permalink

Also The OB&C

One of a series of fond endearments for what Californians would refer to as the Life Partner or Significant Other.

Other terms may include...

The Memsahib (or Mem). An honourific for the wife of the master from the days of the Raj.

'Er Indoors. An ironic use of and old Cockney term for the Lady of the house.

Better Half. See above.

Her Ladyship. Requires no explanation.

Posted by T at 07:45 PM | Permalink